Gender Mixing

Recently the two of us spent some time in the company of a Jordanian man and woman who were not related to each other in any way. This may sound unremarkable to you, but as far as I can remember, this was just the second time in our two years here that we have spent time in a mixed gender social setting in which the mixed genders present were not related. This is indicative of the segregated nature of Jordanian society. Men and women don't mix much, and when they do, often times they are related.

It is this segregation of the sexes that creates vexing problems for me sometimes. For instance, even after two years in our apartment building, I still would not recognize two out of the three Jordanian women who live here if I ran into them on the street. I've had conversations with them, but only through the closed doors of their apartments when I've come to ask a question of their husbands. Hence, I have no idea what they look like.

A further issue occurs when I see women on our street that I have seen outside before and know live nearby. My instinct is to be friendly, to say a simple hello, perhaps engage in small talk, and move on. This is what I would do at home, and perhaps after a time we would move on from small talk to something more meaningful. Here, though, such friendliness would be considered somewhat forward, and who knows who might be looking down on me from their upstairs window? As a result, if I happen to cross paths with a women, usually I just put my head down and keep walking. This even troubles me, though, when I come across women I do know. Recently I happened to be at the falafal shop nearby when a women from church came in. I talk to her at church, and she has been to our home more than once. However, because of the stigma that surrounds gender mixing here, I was unsure of how to acknowledge her presence. I wanted to greet her, but I didn't want to appear too friendly in front of all the guys at the falafal shop. So, we did speak for a minute, but it was an awkward conversation during which I wondered the whole time what everyone else was thinking.

Of course men and women do mix here--there is no 100 percent adherence to any cultural norm--and Jordan is not Saudi Arabia, where gender segregation is so strong that women make up only 5 percent of the workforce. However, since I am a foreigner transplanted into a different culture half-way around the world I do not always know which women I am allowed to talk to, and when and where I can talk to them.

Interestingly, though, when I expressed this frustration to a Jordanian friend of mine, to my great surprise, he said he that he had the same problem! He also did not always know with whom it was appropriate to speak, and when and where it was appropriate. He was born here, raised here and lives here still, but the question of gender mixing--and more simply, of the basic friendly greeting on the street--was still difficult for him. He said if he came across the wife of one of his friends outside, he would feel comfortable greeting them. However, that is about all he felt reasonably comfortable with. Instead, the best thing, he said, was just to wait and see if you are greeted first. So, I am trying to do that. I am waiting, and looking forward to one day putting a face to those voices behind the doors.

Planning

Recently online I came across a couple of interesting items from the past that relate to current events in the Middle East and to current American politics. They also have to do with words matching actions, and with planning.

The first item concerns the rising gas prices, which makes headline news nearly every day now and which often is mentioned in emails we receive from home. Gas is, by the way, still cheaper in the United States than it is here. Anyway, a week or so ago President Bush was in Saudi Arabia to commemorate 75 years of US-Saudi relations, and while there he politely asked the Saudis to increase output in order to facilitate lower prices. The Saudis, however, as you may know, declined his request. You can read about it here.

I found this to be interesting because I happened to discover online the other day that asking the Saudis for a break is exactly what Bush said he would do while on the campaign trail in 2000. If gas got too expensive, he said, he would talk to the Saudis or Kuwaitis "and convince them to open up the spigot." You can read about that here. So, here is an example of a presidential candidate doing exactly what he said he would do, even eight years after his statement was made. Unfortunately, though, it didn't work. So I wonder, was that his plan for dealing with energy related issues from the beginning? And, if so, what's Plan B?

The second item concerns the war in Iraq, and the issue of giving American troops and the American people a timetable for American withdrawal. This is a hot issue because Bush is steadfastly opposed to such a timetable, while many in the Democratic Party support the idea, and presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have both discussed what their timetables might be if elected. Although I was steadfastly opposed to making war with Iraq--complete with protesting in anti-war marches, peace buttons, a sign in our front yard and plenty of conversations with people about war not being the answer--I haven't totally made up my mind on the merits of a timetable or early withdrawal. After all, it is possible that pulling out early may unleash even more chaos on Iraq if the instability created by the war isn't cleaned up. All that said, though, also as I happened to discover online the other day, then candidate Bush actually supported setting a timetable for American involvement in Kosovo when on the campaign trail in 1999. At that time, during the campaign designed to protect Albanians from being attacked by Serbians in what was then Yugoslavia, he said that it was "important" for then President Bill Clinton "to lay out a timetable as to how long [the troops] will be involved and when they will be withdrawn." You can read about it here.

So, here is an example of a presidential candidate seemingly at odds with a previous statement regarding a similar situation. Yes, it is true that the two wars aren't totally analogous--and people and situations change--but his current rhetoric in which he deplores the very idea of a timetable as "defeatist" language seems out of step with his earlier rhetoric. So, again I wonder about the plans he had from the beginning. Since he seemed to have believed a timetable was appropriate for his predecessor, why was and is it not appropriate for him? What was his plan for leaving Iraq at the start of the war? After five years, are we on Plan B, C? It just seems that whether the early rhetoric of President Bush matched his later actions or not, it appears obvious--as the price of gas continues to rise and the violence rages on in Iraq--that better plans were needed.

Twins

While walking through the old city of Damascus one time we came upon a row of portraits tacked on to an old stone wall near some even older Roman columns, in the square just outside the most famous section of the market. Although the portraits were of the Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, I couldn't help but think that they bore an uncanny resemblance to a basketball player I grew watching in the 1980s. What do you think?

Bashar al-Assad

His NBA Look-alike

One day in Syria

This week we took a quick trip north up to Syria. After an eight hour wait at the border and catching a new taxi about a half hour later after a collision with a wild dog on the dark night road rendered our original car undriveable, we made it to Damascus and pleasantly found our room at the convent where we were staying to still be reserved for us. Here are a few random pictures of our time.

I am in Jordan

Our neighborhood here in Amman is in an area roughly between west and east Amman. In west Amman--which also happens to be the more "western" part of the city--there are large, single family homes mixed in with newer apartment buildings of shiny glass and clean white stone. The streets are wider and quieter, and there is a possibility of being surprised by small patches of green grass at random locations. In the business areas many of the buildings look like smaller versions of those downtown at home, with large glass facades, less stone and more color, and if the business is selling clothes--with giant advertisements featuring white people. In these areas it is also possible to find one of the nine Starbucks that have recently cropped up here and be surrounded by an interior that mirrors exactly the interior of every Starbucks at home. In east Amman--which also happens to be the more "traditional" part of the city--there are no single family homes, just older apartment buildings in various stages of dirty brown. The streets are narrower and loud, and seeing patches of green grass definitely would be a surprise. The businesses look much like the apartment buildings--mostly dusty stone--and there are no Starbucks.

The point of describing all of this is to say that there are places in Amman where an American can go and--if you want to--be surrounded by home, and almost forget you are in Jordan. However, if I ever do forget where I am--which will mean I am spending way too much time in west Amman--it is conversations like the following that will snap me back to my reality.

One day a friend of mine whom I visit two or three times per week asked me if I wanted to go out to a coffee shop on a particular night. I said that would be great, but before I gave a final answer I would just have to check to make sure with my wife first. At this statement he furrowed his brow and cocked his head to one side, betraying noticeable, genuine confusion.

"Why?" he said. There was no malice or contention in his voice; he was actually, sincerely curious as to the answer.

"Because she's my wife, and I need to check with her," I said. "I am not the lord of the house."

He said nothing, as if he was still pondering what I had said and letting the words swim around in his head.

"Is this strange?" I said.

"Yes. This is the Middle East," he finally responded. "We don't need to ask."

"You are the lord of the house?"

"Yes, we are the lord of the house."

A few days later he was discussing a trip he might take to Egypt, and he asked me if I wanted to come with. Now, a trip to Egypt would be no small endeavor, and of course much bigger than a trip to a coffee shop, so I gave him the only answer I could at that time. "Maybe," I said. "But first--" and then he stopped me.

"You have to ask your wife?" he said.

"Yes," I replied with a smile, knowing full well his exasperation with such an answer. "I have to ask my wife."

With that, he smiled, chuckled gently and shook his head. This business of asking my wife was indeed a bizarre, humorous thing to him, and I think as much of an interesting cultural experience for him as it was for me. His reaction and our ensuing conversation also served to remind me that I am, indeed, in Jordan.

Sites of Jordan: The Dead Sea

Part of the reason we do this blog and live in Jordan is to help people get to know Jordan and the Middle East a little better. We haven't blogged much about the sites and attractions of the country during our two years here but there are many, and we have decided to start drawing some attention to them here. Just call it our small part in helping to boost tourism in Jordan, which is the number one industry of the country and somewhat of a lifeline for the economy.

Seriously--although we do not love everything about living here--we do think there are many things to like about Jordan and many great things to see and experience for a traveller. So, expect periodic entries from now on dealing with the touristic possibilities of Jordan.

The first site we want to highlight is the Dead Sea, since we were just there recently with our friends Erin and Neeraj and their son Ezra who were kind enough to visit us from the States. The Dead Sea--known as the "Salt Sea" and the "Sea of Arabah" in the Bible--is located in the Jordan Valley and is the lowest place on earth, about 1300 feet or 400 meters below sea level. It is referred to as dead because there is nothing that lives or can live in it, due to the high salt content of the water, which is around 30 percent. This is about ten times as much as the salt content of the oceans of the world, and about twice much as the Great Salt Lake in Utah.

Such high salt content means that the Dead Sea is not where you want to go for a refreshing dip to escape the heat of a summer's day in the valley. Dunking your head into the water will cause debilitating, paralyzing pain when you open your eyes. Also, any major or minor cut on your body will be brought to your attention immediately when your body hits the water, and you will at once totally understand the significance and meaning of pouring salt in someones wounds.

However, such high salt content does mean that the Dead Sea is where you want to go if you just want a carefree, relaxing, and one of a kind float atop the water. The Dead Sea is unique because you cannot sink in it; the salt keeps you afloat in any position. It is because of this that I love going there, as to me you cannot beat the feeling of near weightlessness you experience while floating effortlessly over the sea. In fact, when we went last time I spent an hour alone just drifting--hands behind my head and feet pointing out of the water in front of me--not just physically on top of the water, but also mentally between a quiet pondering of the intricacies of life and a state of semi-conscious napping. I recommend trying it, but don't forget your sunblock. Here are some pictures of our time there.

A word of caution on the way to the Dead Sea.

Neeraj and I floating.

Israel/Palestine in the background.

Near the shore.

Somebody enjoying a smoke while encased in Dead Sea mud, which is good for the skin.

Sunset, with the buildings of Jerusalem becoming visible on top of the mountain in the distance.